goodness
Hello friends,
How has your week been? How are you feeling?
I’m feeling bit wobbly today. I woke up this morning at just after two in a puddle of sweat and never got back to sleep again. It was awful. Over the years I’ve heard so many stories of perimenopausal night sweats, hot flushes and general raising of internal thermostats, and to be honest I’d wondered if that might be a good thing for someone like me who feels the cold intensely and painfully. Why wouldn’t I want the extra degrees of heat? Especially now that we’ve hit winter and the temperature has plummeted.
Ugh, little did I know! So far my only experience has been a few random night sweats and there’s nothing warm and comforting about them. In fact after I’ve been woken and gotten up to go to the toilet, I’ve felt positively cold and clammy. Bloody hormones! If only all that heat could be harnessed and redirected to my fingertips and toes when I’m outside instead. Imagine how handy that could be. Instead of getting dressed for work in a singlet, tee-shirt, flannelette shirt, woollen sweater, polar fleece jumper and rain jacket and scarf, I could cut that list in half. I could probably put in longer hours in the garden too. Oh to be warm and toasty from the inside.
Instead I’m sitting here with my laptop on my knees, bleary eyed, fuzzy brained, and determined somehow to turn my day around. Determined somehow to make the most of these precious few hours that I have where I have given myself permission to write my blog and not feel guilty about it. Determined somehow to make something and put it out into the world and feel like it’s saying something good. Something positive.
If my kids were feeling down and couldn’t see a way out, I might make them list the good things in their lives.
So here’s my list, in no particular order, just some of the nice moments from my last week. Some of the things that happened that made me smile.
spending time last Monday night going through knitting patterns I’d bookmarked, deciding on one, choosing the yarn, and casting on. Ahhhhh how I love knitting. It almost felt like a relief after all these months away. I always say that knitting in itself isn’t all that creative. It’s just following a pattern that someone else designed. But there’s still something so intensely comforting and reassuring when you’ve got a project on the go, when muscle memory takes over, when you’re holding a circular needle filled with stitches watching a pattern emerge. Even thinking about it makes me happy. I’m knitting Norwood by Jennifer Steingass.
spending time unraveling old knitting projects that didn’t fit me properly to reuse the yarn.
having a long talk to Bren about prioritising creativity and making time for making for us both. It’s strange that even though I would describe myself as a person who is always making things, somehow over the past few weeks I feel like I haven’t. I’m not sure what’s happened but I am sure that going forward it’s time to carve out pockets of studio time. It’s time to get in the zone, to get messy and to feel like myself again. There will always be a long list of other things I should do, I just need to back myself and allow myself to look after my soul. We both do.
the few brave unseasonal Icelandic poppies that have popped up in the veggie garden.
driving around the area where we live and catching glimpses of my dad’s red raincoat as he does his steps, rain, hail or snow.
bumping into old friends and feeling that rush of love and relief that some things are still the same.
finding out that my iron levels are good at the moment and that I don’t need another iron infusion.
drinking coffee with my mum at a cafe and having uninterrupted time to really talk about what we’re doing, how we’re feeling and how we can both lead even more intensely creative lives.
picking lettuces out of the garden.
watching the earliest of the bulbs pushing their way up through the soil.
getting my car back after driving a loan car while my car was being serviced and feeling like home.
exchanging stories with Bren after spending an entire day apart.
walking the dogs through the forest.
getting a random text from another friend who I haven’t seen in so many years, that she’s in our town and is coming over.
realising that there are only 18 days left until the winter solstice.
exploring the garden in search of winter’s beauty.
watching Anatomy of a Scandal when I’m alone because Bren won’t watch shows about cheating.
walking around Daylesford Lake with my parents on Saturdays.
finding and buying a thick polar fleece jumper/jacket that goes ontop of all my layers and solves the problem of my winter farm wardrobe. I haven’t taken it off yet.
watching winter throw everything she has at us - the snow, the sleet, the hail, the fog, the torrential rain and the frost - through the windows of the sunroom and feeling somewhat protected, but still enjoying the show.
getting glimpses of Jarrah’s fantastic adventures through photos and short text exchanges.
having my hair cut.
drinking coffee in a cafe with Indi and making plans for her last semester of uni.
working-out at my house and at the gym with my friend Leah. What a gift is an exercise buddy. I feel so lucky that we’ve found each other, that we cheer each other on, and that we have the same goals and motivations.
after 21 years of the water that comes out of the showers in our house being gravity fed from a tank up the hill and having virtually no pressure, Bren recently had a pump attached and the difference is remarkable. Strong hot showers on icy cold winter days are my favourite thing ever!
breakfast eaten at midday. Every day.
peppermint and liquorice tea.
Reading Ask Again, Yes by Mary Beth Keane all week and finishing it early this morning. What a wonderful book! I really loved it. Having the time to read lots of books is the silver lining of perimenopausal insomnia for me. I’ve become a bit obsessed with making sure that I always have enough books ordered and waiting for me at my local library. I take screen shots of covers when I read reviews that I like and add them to my library app whenever my list of holds dwindles. Often by the time time I pick up a book from the library I have no idea who or where I saw it recommended. It’s sometimes a bit of a juggle maintaining the list of books ordered, the books waiting for me at the library, ensuring that I have a stack on my bedside table waiting, and reading them in time to return them before their due dates. But the thought of waking in the night without a book to read makes me feel anxious, so the juggle is totally worth it.
on Tuesday, a woman we’d just met said to me and Pepper ‘I can see you two are very close’. ‘Of course we are’! Pepper replied, ‘we’re practically wearing the same thing!’ We laughed and then I looked down and saw that she wasn’t kidding. We were both wearing jeans, the same sneakers and the same khaki jacket. When 14 year olds are sweet, they’re the absolute sweetest.
My dad calling me and letting me know that he has three things to talk about with me before going into each one in detail. My dad is a numbers guy. He always likes my posts with numbered lists the best. So just for you Dad I counted and there are 30 moments of goodness in this post, including this one. 30!! That does make me smile.
Thanks so much for clicking over and reading you guys, thanks for the love and for the thoughtful comments. What are some of the moments of goodness from your week that was? Pop them in the comments, I’d love to read them.
See you next week!
Love, Kate x
