I just want to run. To get lost in the run.

My earphones play loud music that drowns out my thoughts. JT and Katie and Pink and Gaga, when I run I listen to music that I would never listen to in my normal life. The beat pushes me forwards, the words fill my brain, the melodies keep me going.

I watch as the rain pelts against the windows. The yellow wattles sway violently from side to side. And I run. It is arctic cold out there but in here I feel hot. Hot enough to take off my hoodie, one sleeve at a time, passing my phone from hand to hand. Trying not to overbalance, my fear is falling off.

Now I'm wearing a singlet and a skirt, and runners. Somewhere I have an expensive pair of running socks that I was talked into buying once upon a time. I sometimes think about purchasing proper running gear, but do I really need to look the part in my lounge room? Would it make me run faster? Feel fitter? Maybe if I keep this up for a while longer I'll think about it again. I'm not sure I'd be brave enough to wear lycra though.

Maybe in summer when I run outside. If I run outside. I'm not certain I could handle the distractions and the needing to be alert at all times. I think my running is about tuning out.

I've been running now for six weeks.

I can feel the difference.

I have more energy. My clothes fit me better. I am more even tempered and feel like I am coping with life in a happier way. I sleep well at night. I don't own scales so I don't know what they would say if I stood on them. And I am fitter. I always thought farm fitness was enough, but now I can see and feel that it's a different fitness.

This fitness had me chasing and catching 50 escaped chooks yesterday without even breaking a sweat.

I'm not saying that after six weeks on the treadmill I'm ready to add 'runner' into my profile, but I am starting to understand why people do.

And I'm starting to understand that endorphin thing.

I had always thought the endorphins kicked in when you had been exercising for a while, but now I feel myself getting happy just thinking about it. When I put on my sports bra and singlet under my clothes on a running morning, as I'm tying my laces, choosing the music tracks, turning the machine on.

It's hard and part of me dreads it, but part of me loves it too.

I run.

I've built up fitness so I don't really get out of breath so much, but sometimes I hurt. Knees or ankles or calves. Sometimes I try to block it out. Sometimes I try to focus in on the pain. Zero right in on it. But I always keep running.

I never for a second think that I can't do it. I don't have to do it and no one would ever know or care if I didn't. But I do it. For me.

Run. run. run...

And then afterwards I stretch. And I feel good about myself. And a bit proud and healthy. And I find that running is making me eat better and drink more water too. And it's making Indi run.

I hope I can keep it up. Or get back to it if I don't.

It's so good for me.

Exhale.

The pictures have nothing to do with the words. Obviously.

The squares are for my new blanket project.

The winners of The Starting School books are; Annshar, Sarah and Sampling. Yay!


So tell me peeps, are you an exerciser?
Do you get what I'm saying?
Do you run, swim, walk, yoga, pilates...........??
Or are you laughing a little? Don't worry, the me of a year ago is laughing too.

Whatever the weather, I hope your weekend is wonderful.

Big love

xx