I am officially in weird-land.

Today is the first day I have had all three of my girlies at school and no place to go, no urgent things to do.

Today I feel like I am feeling the enormity of having no kids at home for the very first time.

You know that thing that happens in families and communities when there is drama and everyone crowds around and calls and asks. Sometimes there is so much chaos in the drama that it is impossible to really feel anything. Even if the drama is bad. And then after a while, after days or weeks, the space clears and the drama is there alone, in bright day light. Big and obvious.

That's how I'm feeling today. The drama of my biggest starting high school and my smallest starting school is almost a week old and I am feeling it big time.

This morning I noticed all the mum's holding little kid hands down the street and felt alone. I realised that there would not be any Tuesday bush kinder for us and I felt sad. I saw how quickly I was getting things done without my helper and I missed her. I thought about all the millions of things I could do between nine and three-twenty and I felt overwhelmed.

And my house is so quiet. So quiet that I can hear the sound of the water coming up from the bore and down into the house dam. I hardly ever hear that sound during the day, only usually at night when every one's gone to bed.

So what do I do now?

Should I take a load of recycling to the tip? Sew Miss Pepper a new dress to wear on her day off tomorrow? Do the breakfast dishes? Bake something? Hang out another load of laundry? Plant some cabbage seeds? Tidy? Reply to some emails? Crochet a square? Work on my book? Write a post on my other blog about beetroots and how gorgeous they are this year and how we will have four heirloom varieties this Saturday at the Collingwood Children's Farm farmer's market from eight til one? Maybe.

I don't know what to do with myself.