She turns five tomorrow.

Those ten little fingers and ten little toes and those long, long plaits have been with us for five whole years. It is hard to imagine life before them. I wouldn't want to imagine a life without them. Gosh how we all adore her.

And tomorrow we'll celebrate her. There will be pancakes, candles and a banana cake, a trip to town to buy a prezzie, lots of cards, singing and a ridiculous amount of kisses.

But today I am an overemotional mess. My baby is no longer a baby. I don't have a baby anymore and I never will again. And I can't stop crying.

I know at five she'll still be little, but she'll also start to be a bit big. Five means that in a few short months she'll start school. She'll separate from me a bit more and become a bit more independent. She'll look elsewhere for inspiration and permission. I will be less and less the centre of her universe. She'll experience and be influenced by the big wide world without me always being there to filter it and protect her.

I know I'll adore and admire and be in awe of my big five year old kid. But I'll also miss her four year-oldness like crazy. I already do.

My funny, happy, plaited, singing, story telling little four year old buddy.

Thank you for letting me hold you like a baby and kiss you all over today. Tomorrow I promise it'll all be about the happy.

xxxxx